Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
