i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
