Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
