He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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