He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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