You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
