hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
