Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
