I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
