how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
