Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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