Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
