the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are the jesus of drinking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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