i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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