You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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