That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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