So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
