It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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