I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
