Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
