And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
