I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
