There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
