Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
