just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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