He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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