she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
