One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
