I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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