Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
