Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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