it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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