There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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