What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
