I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
