i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
