he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
