he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
