Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
