i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
