hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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