i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
