i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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