'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
