One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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