So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
