You smell like stripper and shame
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
