I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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