And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You need a sexual gate keeper
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
