screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
