Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
