i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
