I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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